brrrrrrrr,

happy halloween.



get shitty for me and have a good night.


ill be makin that cash money. 4-12am. god damn.



good day yesterday with my soul mate.
i got my birthday outfit and i got to see my bestfriend.

yes?

school. benica. melanies. mall. home.


it was a productive day, i like, i like. it was fun, attempting to skate again was tricky, but i def. loved most of the presence at the skatepark. few minor things, but whatever.

but i'm super juiced for my birthday !!!


eleven more days, :)
eleven more days
eleven more days

i cannot wait.

i'm hella tired right now, i dont know why, but i am. jesus.

i was gonna blog about something i was pondering about today when i layed at the skatepark... but eh, it isn't that important anymore.

"STEVEN WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!"

walnut creek/concord. home of my bestfriend mogs, here justina and i come tommorow afternoon. <3

goodshit.

ps: your pretty cool :) ... not ! hahaha. ah kekeke.

yes i blog.. alot.

yeah thanks david for noticing :P
i told you all i need is to vent, and why i had this for a while.

haha, i'm alot calmer, and alot happier for the fact.. i just finally kind of wanted to get things out of my chest for a while, and then hanging out with people who just make my day better (no homo), because it can def. change everything.

i really appreciate the days we go out and skate, go watch movies, go hookah, go out and do random shit to even doing nothing... but just presence of these people make me feel like everything will get better in no time.

its just.. i guess sometimes i understand other peoples perspective on things and maybe this situation i been having. its just its really hard, because when someone reached your limit, and the part where it def. hurt me alot, to where i ever imagined it can hurt that bad, its hard to let go and its hard just to actually try and act like things never happened, because i definitely agree with what you guys all say. i think we can get passed this all and its kind of like, i don't believe i should be the one doing it, because i didn't even do anything to even come close to hurting them.

so, therefore, i'll be waiting.
and whatever happens, happens, and that its definitely not on me, its them.
and till then, i'm gonna go and just live life the way it should be.

because i'm down, if you're down.

ugh,

well, with what i said, definitely out of anger or maybe something, thats just been ready to come out.


and you wonder why i'm so mad and angry, just think about what has happened this pass couple months and tell me what seems to be wrong. it must help you sleep better at night, congrats.


and things supposedly happens for a reason.

fjkfjysrkucvbex

my head is about to explode with everything that just fucking hit me in the face, why should i even try of getting my point across anymore.


number one, your fucking not even worth it, i wonder why i still waste my fucking time ever thinking, reminiscing, or wondering why i had to fallen in love with you.

number two, you can shut your fucking mouth, you can learn to grow fuck up, and stop being such a fucking selfish person: these are reasons why i can't bring you back in my life.. or least right now.

number three, you make me fucking sick. i'm so fucking pissed and still angry as hell at you, because how fucking dare you DID that to me. and you swear-ed to me you would never do that to me.

number three.point-two, and how people ask me if i miss you, i would be lieing if i said i didn't. and the funny thing is to, i really wanted to fix and say goodbye to things that we had in the passed over some stupid "boy". i never even heard a fucking sorry either till this day.

number four, all you assholes can shut the fuck up too, because you have no fucking idea what i been through for these past 5 long months.

number five, AND WHY I EVEN FUCKING DARED TO EVEN RISK FRIENDSHIPS, MY FAMILY, MY FUCKING SO CALLED "REPUTATION", MY FUCKING DIGNITY AND PRIDE, JUST FOR SOME FUCKED UP SO CALLED "MAN" WHO USES THE SAME FUCKING PATHETIC GAME ON EVERY GIRL HE LAYS EYES ON.

i never ever felt so fucking angry ever in my life and so many people at once. i can't fucking stand to even remember all the things i ever done for all of you in the past. i can't fucking believe i even dared to say i fucking cared about all of you, or that i fucking loved you too.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.
if i could take back time i would take it all back, because i swear i don't understand out of all people, why the fuck do i deserve this. i know i fucked up, doing some dumb ass shit in the past, but i swear i know my boundaries even down to my fucking limits, and no one ever should ever feel the way i do every fucking morning and night.

my hands, cold as ice.

i'm tired as hell, like my body is about to collapse to the floor, i have negative energy, its quite annoying.

spacing out today in the dark room, made me think to every last memory i could every think of. i touched my face with my cold hands and it flashed me back to memories of just different times when people grabbed my face to grab my attention, to try to make me laugh, to even times when it was simple enough to say "i love you." Just remembering someone holding me and looking the way they do.. made my heart drop. i felt my heart literally beating slower and it made me cringe of every thump i heard.

i started to wonder if it was really down to the point why this all really happened. why did i make the certain friends i made. why did our love came to and end. and what was the real reason why i fell in love. and the longer i started to think, the more lost i felt because the answer wasn't... there at all. ... my head hurts everyday, its even down to the point where i start loosing my breath and the reasons of drinking and smoking come in to play. and i literally keep thinking how the hell this whole love thing works.

i never want to cry again. i never want to feel bad for myself. and i never ever want to hear someone tell me they love me, if i'm going to loose the person i fell for maybe... forever. and the sad part is, i never got to officially say goodbye to that love. and whenever i might find that person again, i just wanted to say i miss you.

brain crunch... ouch.

well i won't,

be the one to disappoint you anymore,

and i know, i've said all this so that you've heard it all before,

the trick is getting you to think that all this was your idea,

and that it, is everything that you've ever wanted out of here

love's not a competition, but im winning.

with the hectic-ness of not being able to sleep and focus, can a killer. my brain is in a mode of mushy, blahing, thirst of figuring out every single thing that might have happened in this past year, but the sad part is... where shall we begin? what have i learned, and what have i realized about human beings and general. generally it starts off of thinking we aren't perfect, we do make mistakes, your typical elementary grade bullshit. And when you start having to remember actions speak so much more than words, then why do we try to explain ourselves? i mean come on, you've already done what you did, why don't you speak up and just tell them what you've done wrong. But i'm starting to believe people are love living in denial, and it leads right down to the point that we are making total fools out of ourselves. and i pray each night we can change the way we are, but then again... it adds the pinch of spice in our lives, so i guess... game on bitches.

"do you like to bitch, bitch?"

i'm tired, thats it. crazy busy today.




fuck, and my birthday is soon.
15 more days, then it will be 14, then it will be 13...


yes yes. i'm gonna complete my list.
i love you.

half awake, half way there.

i think i'm half awake, for the fact i woke up tech. 25 mins ago, but i put an alarm.. when i could of just slept in for the fact i don't have work till 3:45, so.. yeah i don't get it either.

i guess i woke up at like 4, answered a very important phone call from melanie but i hanged up. if i remember this one part in my dream, someone called me and etc etc... but i dont even remember answering the phone?! haha, damn creepy. i guess if melanie was about to die... i was no help because i wasn't even awake. hahaha :( oops.

yesterday was pretty chill and i had fun. got david after i dropped off alexa, and we went to walmart to pick up a couple thingythangs, then finnaly got andrew and ian and decided why not go skate?! so we round up a couple people and it came down to :
Me, david, andrew, ian, cj, benard, alexis, matthew, jaycee, robby, oliver and danielson. we rolled 3 cars deep, haha with my yukon included, crackin.

benica skatepark it was, it was fun, watching them ride the bowls, and just do some ninja warrior shit, it made me laugh so bad. then the kids at the skatepark started doing some snake shit, and i think i got a pretty cool shot of it, but everytime david was in the middle he would fuck up the whole line. HAHAH! dumbfuck. :) then after getting bit and feeling the hunger in our stomachs we decide to call it quits and eat at jackandthebox and maybe start a hookah session at my casa :)

hookah.ses., was cool. dannyboy and ryan came and it was just chill maybe wish we had some musica, but it was all gravy. i got super lightheaded and what not, but yeah. LOL, but not worse then last time i got up and i was like OH FUCK I NEED TO SIT DOWN. :) good times. melanie, alexa and sherich finnaly came, and we decided to watch harold and kumar? but me and melanie split with david alexis and andrew to go drop them off, which was funny. i really have missed tho nignogs.

but anyways, there was day. quite good actually. postive thinking is the good shit.

and ohwee georgia?! HAHA. damn your killing me!! stop it with your mindgames and your tricky sneak attacks, hahaha :) but oh well, im having.. fun. hahahahaha. boys are funny, but whatevs.

&&& i'm half way there, the birthday is only a couple days away :) and things on my list are becoming def, offical. YES! one by one things start to fit in my sched, and things that are too god damn random are happening and which are good things. and for other random floaters, -_- i thought this was done. im already one step ahead of you charlie. join me if you like, if not cry me a river.

"lets make like peas and split"

hahaha i couldn't stop laughing from me saying that. haha i'm good. haha.

today was okay, hanged with melanie... which i thot she was on crack cas she had fucking hella energy and shit. ate yummy ass tacos then hanged out with dannyboy for a bit.

then i was fucking 15 mins late to work today : because i swear to god i brought my work shoes with me.. and i guess i didn't. WHICH IS LIKE FUCKING UGGGGG. but oh well, work went by HELLA QUICK! ahaha. so im all good. i wanted to go look for the bday outfit... but... oh well.. wasn't meant to be probably?

but i said hello to matt, which kevin & jasmine was there.. the mood there wasn't as great as i thought it might be so i split like a pea. got melanie and went to starbucks, to end up saying hello to josh & chadwic, which was a tad akward for the fact, i haven't seen him in hella long, and basically the last shit i heard about him, we weren't "cool. so that was cool, watching forgetting sarah marshall and just chilling yeah?

things are going good so far. and i def just cant wait for my birthday. i'm like literally like juiced now, cas i dont know i feel like things from there are gonna be getting better one by one. and i love how im thinking now. completly positive, i love it.

&& chris brown is telling me.. i should basically have sex.
LOL. haha justkidding, but this song. nigga... oh wee.


hhahahaha. :) 16 more days? or.. yeah? hahah

YAY!

damn you benica bugs.

i had an overall good chill day. i mean it was nice to drive to in a million of circles. haha just kidding. benica was.. okay, i mean i wish we kind of picked a better skate spot, buts all good. it was nice to get a fresh air tho sharing it with, matt, matthew, ian, andrew, kevin and alexis was pretty good. the bugs ate us alive but oh well. haha. the spit balls was.. nasty as usual but it reminded me of old times.

i got to talk to morgan today but just random shit about the car, the birthday and the lovely ari. haha, about how happy we are for him? hahah! and that one day i'll find my one and only sooner or later... its just time yeah? i love my bestfriend!

i'm hella excited for my birthday now, for the dinner/kickit thingy thang. the piercings. the new hair do. even just for the fact I SHALL BE LEGAL?! i can stay out late, offically drive people, buy stogggieesss, hahaha and go clubbing?! oh nigga. but that also can be a bad thing. getting in trouble can be even worse.. but whatevs, i got myself in check.

and for the boy issue. i think im all good. i like to see someone sexy and what not once in a while... but hey.. what can a girl do? hahaha.

georgia... mhmhm... haha youll never know. secretive and what not... imma rape you?! ahahahaha just kidding... or am i?

and settling all the shit thats out there even the shit that might be wandering too... im looking forward for that.. just timing is the key. and meet me half way okay? because that would be pretty cool.

well i guess i gotta get off. im just gonna go text, maybe watch tv, see if we have cereal and what not. yeahyuh.

loves and goodnight world.
ps: acting is bout to start up to
AM I TOOOO JUICED THO?
FAMOUS. FAMOUS. FAMOUS.
:) ohh weee. go me.

birfday smirfday.

november 9, 2008

1. birthday dinner with my beautiful friends.
2. buy cigs and blacks.
3. go to a porno shop
4. 2nd ear piercing.
5. lip piercing.
6. get a lap dance.
7. shall sing.
8. maybe a trip to... ex: the city.
9. drink some hem.
10. pro. photoshoot.
11. HOOOOKAAH!
12. new sunglasses.
13. motorcycle permit.
14. the "boy".
15. get fucking shittttyyy.
16. mini coop.
17. go club.
18. and end all tension/drama.

yeah eighteen things i would like to have on my eighteenth birfday.

concord concord concord.

today was finnaly fun and relaxing.

i didn't fight with my dad, it was more like a stupid lecture that i had to listen to and blah blah. but whatever it was better then yelling and almost dieing.

i went to concord today with melanie to grab some "shoes" because i dont know, just was craving to get out and spend some moolah. it was nice to cas we were near morgan and he came down with us, so it was really good hanging with my two best best friends.

its good to have people like that because with this whole stressing situation its good to get your mind off it. it was fun because it was like old times, and just really fucking chill. i miss morgan and wish he was back here in fairfield because he makes my days hella better. ari was even there, and i love her. finnaly morgan settled down with someone good. because he dosesn't deserve the treatment and bullshit from the past girls hes been or liked. and i'm happy for him.

that makes me think... alot. because i mean morgan hasn't dated dated someone in so long.. and melanie says paitence is the key. because youll finnaly find someone worth the time and bascially worth the wait. and to tell you the truth morgan and ari finnaly gave me the thought and hope.. that there is someone out there.. and that with all these fake relationships and love it just wasnt hitting me, giving me the sense theres nothing real anymore... but now... its gonna happen sometime. and i guess i'm ready for the wait even if the wait is killing me. just gotta put some faith and hope out there for love.

give me the fucking answer.. please.

day by day i start to come back to things i tried to let go before.. and somehow, it seems to creep back up to me, and fucking stabs me right back where it all started.


heartbreaks, first loves and all that mumble jumble, gives me headaches and makes my stomach drop... in a bad way. i finnaly decided to take down this picture i recently put back up because for reasons... i felt normal again, but now i'm in the more depressing stage i been in so long. i try my best to pick up myself, telling myself over and over to just stop it. i seem to do this all the time, and if you read my past blogs you probably might have an idea.


when i feel like i want things to stop and maybe get a head start on this... no "beef" or tension or whatever it might be.... i seem to be so close to just say what i want to say... but signs just happened and i know its not mean't to be. my head, my body, my damn heart, .... literally fucking hurts. i want to give myself a fucking hug, so i can stop feeling like this.

i feel like i'm going back to same fucking state i was back in june.

can someone finnaly give me the answer, why i'm still in this thing we all call.. "love".

i def. don't believe in fake.

yeah thats pretty much it.
you'll never make in life, if you have to change every time like if your changing clothes.





i think .. actually it is, its fucking pathetic, grow the fuck up.

&&& you wonder who i'm talking about?
trust me you'll never know who it is, even if you swear you know who it might be.

let me catch a breather...

so i haven't really sat down and had to time to think about what's def. been on my mind these couple weeks. i mean i felt like i just wasn't ready to spill whatever it might be.

today i opened up some old documents i have made for people in this past year. from writing that ice breaker letter to jake, the goodbye letter to kent and the birthday letter to kevin. i got more sad after i read one after another. jake's was cute. i laughed at the pictures i put there, and how i remember all those times in health. i wish things weren't the way they are now between us, for the fact i don't even know what made us stop talking, which is def i'm still wondering why. kent's letter was funny, the things i wrote, and how much hope and faith i just had into ONE letter, i def. miss ono and esp him. and then.. theres kevins.

it made me sad.. maybe even more then before. i had pictures on the side of him and me, from when we goofed around, to us kissing and in love. i .. just lost words for myself. i even saw things we had of our inside jokes, which made me laugh and def made me miss him. then after i read what i wrote... it was heartbreaking. how much he really meant to me, or maybe how much he actually does now. its hard to read things like that.... i cant seem to find how i felt at that exact moment...writing what i wrote.

"You make me smile and give me butterflies every time I see you. And even being the loser I am, that’s quite impossible to do. I mean I use to dislike this whole boy relationship thing, but you seem to catch my eye, and turn my whole perspective around. I believe I don’t deserve somebody like you because you are def. hilarious, sweet, kind, a monster, a dork, my superman, my everything. I just wanted to make sure no matter what happens to you and me in the future, I’m always will be here for you, down to your cheeze-it, your nigga, your girlfriend, to your best friend."

it hurts.... alot. i got teary eyed from just seeing me so happy, and how it could end so quickly. how someone elses actions can kill every little thing for you. and how that leads to just reasons why i can't go back. and why i can't fix friendships and things that is happening, because i never been so hurt ever in my life. i mean i wish i grasped things when i had it... alot tighter. For the fact i think people just take advantages of the whole situations, its like you just kind of wander off. and when its gone.. you try to search for it so quickly.. and it leads to.... can never find it ....again.

its scary situation because its like im bipolar thinking of this bullshit. ill be happy to remember good times, then get so angry at the people who fucking ruin it, then i get sad for the fact i miss them to me being fucking depressed because why did it happen to me.

and im just so sick of feeling like this, cas i mean im happy with what i have now. i love my friends. i love the relationship i have with my mom, cas our bond is stronger. i love how im independent and single so i dont need to worry about someone there.

and im happy for everyone, even if i have so much hate for them deep inside, but i always have love for you. everyone deserves to be happy at one point, everyone deserves second chances because no one is perfect, i just believe everyone just needs to wake up and see what they are missing..because growing up is a fucking bitch than you'll and i'll ever be. and i just know there's hope and faith somewhere out there, i just.... can't find it yet... but i can feel it, its close.

ps: 19 more days till by birthday bitches :) yesssir LEEGGAAL!

i love you.

yes you and you, all my niggas in the "bay-sin" hahaha.

oh man, it was crackin today. i had hella fun. it was very chill and had a finnaly a good night in so long. im just so god damn happy finnaly.

i def love the friends i have. they make me smile and make me feel all gay inside. lmfao :) i have missed morgan. i have missed everyone finnaly together. it was just a good feeling to have.
like its good to have something there for once.

i mean shit, this week was to fucking hectic, with confusion with boys, the family drama, me getting beat, to fucking being broke as hell. its not a fun feeling to be going through so much shit at once. i thot i was bout to go insane.

i can finnaly breathe. like just with one night like this... god. man. i can describe it.. must sound corny but ..... yeah :D hahaha.

im getting tired. would blog more and put more feel into it...... but im not trying to get conflict with my so called "father". that fucking dick. i swear youll get yours for all the shit you done to me in my 17 years of life. FUCK YOU. i havent had so much hate someone EVER. and i get stuck with you. home is suppose to be your gateway from everything else..

but you know what. whatever. you can fuck off and think your fucking everything. but no one fucking loves you. and that might sound shitty, but whatever.




fucccccck you asshole. and karma is a fucking bitch.
goodnight.
and my birthdayy is soooon.

and we will be alll fucking legal after dannyboys birthday

and we are all gonna CLUBBBBBBBBBB!

haha ill post up pictures when alexababy sends them :D

im getting there..

im hella tired and what not.. but i had to type up my blog. haha i was gonan say write.. but that dosen't make sense..
oh yeah i might go back into my whole making websites and shit.. and might make my blog offical with its own blog. yessir. haha good old times.. but well see.

today was pretty good, had a good sleep in... except for the part i did have to drive robby to school.. but i finnaly cleaned my room and did laundry. haha.
finnaly around 3ish david, andrew, brain, robert and charles came over. we chilled watched fearr. then i left with melanie to go to safeway. got my check, got pizza, said hello to work people, picked up a movie and went back home.

we chilled in my backyard and had a little skate session going on, it was nice, cas daniel came by and i missed that guy. danny, ryan and slexis came too.

we went in my casa cooked the pizza, and watched house of a 1000 corpse. that movie was .. weird.. creepy.. but it wasnt like ohhwee. hahah.

confusion with georgia..

morgan came and also matt.
we all chilled blah then finnaly it was just
alexa sherich danny ryan morgan melanie and i hella spit everywhere. hahah.

decided to go safeway, grabbed a salad which i didnt get to eat.. posted outside of safeway and yadad went home..


i hella love my friends. without them. oh man. haha i missed morgan tho.. esp when he kept being stupid and running around with his butt out -_- haha. just random shit like that hella remind me of old times which made me be like. ohh lord this guy.

but i get to hang with him tommorow so im happy.


georgia georgia.. what do i do with you.
its very confusing. but ill see.


im tired now. and gotta wake up early.

i finnaly get my phone to!

yaaaaaaaaay

pretty mama.....

haha. that song... i play it too much.

so today, was alright. the normal school and what not.
went home, meet up with mommy and went to the mall.
meet up with melanie to... get some cash money. haha.
metro metro. then went to dollar store & tacobell.


haha. i hella missed my mom. i like hanging out with her. its like we finnaly lately got to just sit and talk about whatever it might be, and im def not hiding anything anymore. she knows about ... maybe not the true "smoking" idea. she knows about drinking. she knows about hookah. she knows about my crush. she knows... me. and what is going on, i hope we can just get through the whole deal with my so called "dad" referable to the stupid fuck living in the same building :). i love my mom, and def is one of the best people in the world. which reminds me of kent, i miss him too, and need to visit the ono people. :(


so my birthday is offically in.. uhm.. lemme see.. 25 MORE DAYS?! holy shit... i remember being back and rod and i use to be like my birthday is like in 6 months.. lmfao. mannn. i cant wait to turn 18. my dad can fucking fuck off. i can "smoke". go club. be out late. and drive crazy with people. hahaha. shit man. im so excited for my little mini dinner too. its gonna be chill. just to get sit around with my bestest friends ever. and finnaly get to relax and have fun you know?

... but yeah. finnaly friday ill get my phone again. yay. soooo juicceeddddddd.
weeelll. im super tired.

and no updates on georgia. boooo. :( haha
well see tho? yeahh. haahah

how can i decide whats right

When you’re clouding up my mind

I can’t win your losing fight, all the time.

No cover ever over what's mine

When you’re always taking sides

But you won’t take away my pride

No not this time, not this time

How did we get here

When I used to know you so well

And how did we get here

Well, I think I know how

that song, oh man. it is amazing. hayley you are def. my hero. i laa you.

so basically, im "grounded". and things were just to weird last night, i def. hate my dad. i dont even look him up as a dad. hes just some stupid ass fuck living in the same building as me. i was just about to just go crazy on him, and just fucking ugh. man. i dont know, im just tired of seeing him and tired of even living with him. so therefore, ima move soon as possible and hope this "divorce" can start working in play.

i'm still confused. and i dont know what to do. i hate how i keep doing this. GOD DAMMIT.

anyways, so im just gonna lay low until then. blah blah blah.

i'm a prisoner noooooo! fucking aye. NOVEMBER 9TH YOU BETTER COME HERE NOW. hahahahaha. eiiighhtteeen you fuck faces. yee yee. hahahaha

pretty mama if your singleeee.

you dont gotta be alone tonighhtttt.


:)






im happy. had a very long day, and you know what? its not even over!
david and robert are coming over. yay :D


georgia your still .... UGH haha

georgia isnt on my mind.

conversations right? haha, shut the fuck up. you wish hunny.
...

actually.



you know what.

i dont give a fuck.
you can say blah blah im cool, cas def you wish you were me.
cas no one on the corner has swagga like mwah.

AH KEKEKEKEKEKEKKE .... ahahahah. shit. man..
ok im done.
ps. i still got something for you. :)

_________________________________________________

um
its also good to know that she's still on your mind because obviously you must read her shit?
sigh t.i. is right..life is just so entertaining.

-melanie

georgiaaaaaa on my mind.

so why are you in my mind?
you are so confusing me... oh lord. :(



last night,
kickit for kt's birfday. BEASTIN AT BEER PONG... 7 CUPS IN A ROW.
FIIIIIIIREEE! it was crackin. maybe a little thing and there with georgia. which kills me.

work was way tooo intense. 9 hour shift? nigga. man. it was like lived in safeway. but i had fun, crackin people at work :) hahaha.

anyways, so georgia. mutherfuckin georgia.
i dont understand why i always seem to do this, i mean why does all the "good" guys seem to be... GAY. taken. or just dosen't seem like its yours. i seem to always put myself in situations... where i can see it can go.. or i mean i could be just second guessing myself. but yesterday, just seem to be good. i think i had baby butterfiles. and i admit, i think its starting to get bigger then more i wait.

i get more fustrated... the moer i think about it. today at work.. thats all i fucking thot about. WHY WHY...... why do we like to hurt so much? shit. cas thats what you get when you let your heart win. lmfao. paramore. yeah corny... but true.

its weird, cas someone once told me. its good to try something new. i mean my typical type. yeah yeah your typical ryan sheckler, white boy yadadadadad. but this time around. WHAT!? i never knew... it would be down to this to tell you the truth. what is my heart doing? haha im scared im just gonna repeat processes i did before. and its not fair. NOT FUCKING FAIR.

JESUS CHRIST. what do i do.
but i let things flow... and see how it goes.
because i mean things happen for a reason right?






georgia.

you are too funny ;)

... lol. oh my god. i don't even know where to start. this whole blog thing.
stop being a fucking hypocrite about blogs and myspace when HOLY SHIT you have one too!?
want a fucking brownie? ill be happily to give you one. :) blogging is a new trend, and i believe who to say, i started this wonderful venting process.

i'm starting to think this whole thing is fucking hilarious. i'm getting pretty sick and tired about everything. like i know i know i said a million times, but i'm getting fed up. i'm tired of all you whining about stupid shit. i'm tired of knowing your breathing the same beautiful air. i'm fucking over the fact its all over, but how you're acting like your life a train wreck. who am i kidding. im acting just like you. pathetic.

this whole love triangle bullshit. you guys.. wow, how can i tell you, how i really feel. i just wish it would stop, because even i dont give a shit about any of you, its just sad how you guys are all going back and forth. i believe in love, not in this stupid fake shit. how can you tell you love someone when you just started to know that person literally like a day ago. BULL FUCKING SHIT. you guys are fucking retarded, and half of you are older than me, i should be looking up to you... HAHAH SIKE! fucking ay. i just omg everything is just too funny.

goodluck, and start believing they actually love you. they don't.
until you can tell me reasons why they do, then i'll give it to you.
and for me. he probably never loved me either, because if you noticed he done the same old shit to everyone else. trying to make you feel better, saying the stupid same lines, looking at you with the same face. fucking gag. you make me fucking sick. blah blah blah.

someone told me, why should i be getting mad and jealous for the fact people are together. people are only together so quickly because they don't want to be alone. so the longer the wait, the longer you'll find something real. and therefore, i'm waiting for that special someone. actually i'm not waiting just fucking surprise me. because i really getting over the fact about this boy shit.



i'ma live my life.
be ballin.
be amazing.
be loved by those lovely friends.
be too happy to figure out what the hell your trying to do.
and just be... aeriel.
yep. i think i'm good.


BITER BITER BITER. :)

why such the long face.

right now, i'm feeling like shit in general. i don't even know what fucking set me off, to let me feel like the way i do. i'm getting angry and irritated off everything, even passed shit.

things aren't making sense. i'm tired of things in general. im tired of this point school shit. i'm tired of working my ass off. i can't even sleep normal. i can't eat anything "good".

i'm getting lightweight irritated to this whole single bullshit. i'm not even sure why passed things ended.

i'm sick how im still in love im fucking tired of wondering what made me not worth the try.im sick of all the games being played upon me. i'm sick of assholes. i'm fucking over flakes. and i'm fucking fed up with confusion. i starting to feel kind of pathetic or not worthy, but with all this said. ill never put myself down.

in general. maybe im just fucking afaird of being alone and i sure will be honest i still havent got used somebody not being there. im starting to go crazy and im craving for the littlest things out there.

i miss holding someones hand. telling them i miss them. telling them they should come hang out with me and with a sec they will be there. someone i can count on to talk to. i just... want things to be there..


i dont even know what im talking about.

im bout to fucking go insane.

GOD DAMMIT.

mhmm i gotchaa.

dont get, and i never will. but whatever. ill do and ill do what i want.

sorry charlie.

ps: now i know, about you and your venting process,
im seventeen bub. and i think im handling mine quite well.

this bug bite is driving me crazy.

i been def super tired this past week, who know why.





flat broke.


but pay day tommorow!

and demi lovato get out of my brain.
cas I DONT WANNA GET BACK
or do i?!

nooo

oh dear lord help us.

temptation, lust. is what us human beings will never get over.





and with that said, i shall let things flow the way, it shall.

but, im happy all over again. i can breathe. and i can def. now say i finnaly wanted to figure out what i wanted for so long. and now i know what i want and do not want in my life.

im gonna live my life, because t.i and rhianna said so.
and i shall have whatever i like.

:)

anythings possible. and you can have reallly.. whatever you want -_- you just better grab it before someone else does.

let me get this straight.

can i say hella DUMB?




because drama in fact. has nothing to do with us, last time i checked... your the one in it, and actually producing this so called drama.


get your facts straight, and if you think their your friends, rethink that.
one of them is only your friend because hes not getting the picture like you.
and the other is just there because... who knows. and he thinks your fucking up too.

so... therefore.. its a done deal.

drama is intact on you. not me, not him, not her.

so when your life goes does down the drain, dont thank me. thank yourself.

yeah i pretty much love you too.

you can whatever you like ;)

im eating halls. and its yummy for the fact im sick.. well im getting off it. yesssirr.


i gots work today.. ugh. but i think me and alexis will buy some hookah shitttt, and look at costumes with melanie, alexa and shericch.





anyways, things been good. everyones on a good level. but i def know me and morgan agreed... we still dont like .. haha.. someone. haha. ;) but everythanng is all good.





im happy. jasmines party is .. or hopefully will be crackin. YAY.




haha

but im scared for some things, its hard adjusting and what not. but i must stay strong and not go through the same path. good thinking aeriel.