all day, gayway.

my feet hurt, and my body is hella tired. i have hella hot top ramen, and green tea next to me. i think i'm gonna sleep early tonight, and just do some thinking. & probably change my layout of my blog.. since i have nothing better to do.

safeway; was its usual. carts, bagging, "hello, how are you? do you need any help out?". it was kinda sad seeing jessica in the bakery, josh in deli, yvonne and vince in the booth. i feel like i really tried my best working at safeway, and did so much better then probably 4 of them put together, but whatever, at least i have a job right?

i got to see matt today. he suprised me, and even put carts back in the parking lot, thanks faggot. we chatted about things.. things that kind of hurt, things that made me happy, things that reminded me of past things... but this time it seems different... alot different, meaning maturity wise its at its fullest. being not lied to, being told straight up, is so relieving even if the truth might hurt a little bit. i really felt like, running away, i felt like throwing up, i felt like crying but ... i didn't even do any of it. which, suprises me so much. i grown up so much from how many years ago, i probably woulda cried and pout like a little baby hearing all of this shit, but i took it all in and tried to see it from his point of view.. and remembering where i stood before..

things are good. i feel good, alot better then i have in a while. im changing the way i think, the actions that will be taking place. the way how i look at everything, and to take full advantage of what i have already, because in the long run... somehow it makes sense why everything is like this.

im happy, and that all that matters.
and i think im ready for whatever might be coming at me.

you already know tho.

I don't give a fuck about no nigga and no ho.

today, was sad. buried oddie, I hated to see jaycee cry. D: rip you, baby.

concord with baby. akwardness, but its all good now. costco; safeway twice. cooked bomb ass pasta. watched crazy videos, took a nap<3 tickle fight and hella farted on me. thaaaaaanks. lol.

hookaaaaah with alexis and blaine. burneeeddd. watched hella you tube videossss. -_-

lol "mmmmhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm" read my bulliten. bwhhahaha. melanie is hella dumb. hahaha. me, alexis and blaine couldn't stop laughing.

tommorow I work all day. fml D: but ill be ballin' next week :]

club thurs. paid thurs. prom sat. my moms home sat. paramore in 3 months. disneyland. campinggg. yay.

thanks alexis for showing me those nasty, sad, blooding videos faggot. "awwwwwwwwwwe".

emotions running high.

sitting here with a complete confused look on my face, my heart torn into pieces and my brain calculating how much longer can this all go on for. & hello memory lane.

this week, this whole fucking month was so long and is fucking hectic as hell. it was like a big love and hate relationship, man its been irritating. the fact my mom left, life at home is intense and fucking bullshit. my dad's a dick and bi-polar, and i never will understand what goes through his head. work, has been up and down. getting tricked saying ill get promoted, but then everyone else does except me, hella not fair at all. and maybe this time, i finnaly found someone i been wanting in so long, that has so many complicated results, but what can you do? and ill say this to myself over and over again. that's what you get, when you let your heart win. whoa fucking whoa.

i lost and i really don't remember what i was thinking this morning. am i upset, sad, mad as hell, happy to an extent or even maybe a big ball of every emotion out there all in one. im lost for words, im lost of thoughts, im lost for feelings... feelings to ever build up in such a little amount of time. i try to take everyone's advice i have gotten and maybe tried to even listen to my own, but it still never measures up to how fucking hard this is.

i believe i been here before, where i stand, where you stand. i still don't and will never understand, WHY THE FUCK THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS? okay, i'll agree with you this time, life is just so complicated and stupid. because all of this, it honestly makes you go crazy.

i hate liking someone, i hate the whole concept of being in a relationship and i sure fucking do hate thinking this whole" love" thing will come in play sooner or later. but you know what, shit fucking happens. and things happen for a reason, and im thinking now, there must be a reason why you are here. why i'm here feeling like this. i dont want to cry any more, i dont want to feel confused, because i love feeling like i have everything under control, because i will admit.............

i do feel like i have everything. i fucking love my family minus the ones who are fake as hell, and please don't put on a front, we are too grown for this, and i think maybe its time to be on this level. you have no clue how much i love my friends. the friends i have now, and the one i still wonder, what they do everyday. i cherish every single moment, i spend time with you all, because without you, i honestly think i woulda been done for.

and for the person, i have this "thing" with. i really, am here for you. i'm sorry if i haven't gather my thoughts, my feelings, everything in between asap... but i cleary understand where your coming from. i love being around you, being with you, even if its just sitting in a car trying to figure our which song to listen to. and trust me, i been where you are right now, and don't fucking tell me i haven't, because i been through HELL and back. i know how it feels to give up something you had for so long, and did the things you did, to come where you are now? fuck man, i know how the emotions and stress levels run high. so whatever you need, go right ahead. like i said before i'm always here, as your lover and always your friend. but don't get me wrong... what do you except me to say or do? i'm clueless and confused as much as you are, but until then, lets just have fun, do what we need to do, and just forget all that shit. never have doubt, think postive at all costs and never think back on mistakes, past drama, and look forward. the days coming up, today, this minute, thats all that matters, and fucking enjoy it. that goes for you, everyone else, and even me.

"pain, make your way to me, to me. and i'll always be just so, inviting. If I, ever start to think straight this heart will start a riot in me, lets start, start..."

"sixty-nineeeeeeee"

im on my sidekick, so I can't say much. im hella full off baldos and I must admit im perkinnn.

today was intense. didn't sleep till like 6ish, wake up till one. and head out to work till 745. swoop alexa, get ready. meet up with the bestfriend, and mel and head to tiffs.

take hella gulps, get to tiffs. eh, it was a small kickit. had a cup or two of some mixed drinks. hella cops came through... trio came by "yee nigga yee" ate pineapples for his bitchass and spilt. tiff happy birthday, and I hope you enjoyed most of it :] don't trip chocolate chip!

spilt and head to my casa, and spent time with my bestest friends, no homo. took like 4 shots, taking about secrets and what not. dad actually let me outttt, I swear he loves morgan. hahaha

spilt to blados hella fucked up. it was crackinnnnnn.

nowz im here. full, perked.. and thinking..

I know they say what they say, to watch out for me and know what's best for me, and Im really glad for the look out. <3

im just kinda nervous. maybe scared. am I too sprung, taking it all in, to easy. ugh im lost, again. hmph. but ill learn it on my own.

I ll post, blog more in the morning..

im hella fullll.

today was a good daaaaaaaaaaay.

first i swoop blaine, melanie and alexa. got my check, saw vince and more. cop some tree from sc1 ;) and then headed out to rockville. finnaly got helllaaaaa blasted off three blunts. we went on a hike and almost died have the time. hella fucking lord of the rings and shit.

went to in n out, and got ice cream. met up with twin and robert and played wii and twins houseee. hella fun playing smooth moves. head out and spilt and head to the valleyho. go met up with baby<3>hellaaaaa food at jack and the box.

posted in front of baby's house.. and just chilled. got hella tired and what not. gosh, i like spending time with this nigga :] hahaha.

i was suppose to hookah, but my badddddd. this week will be fun. friday: spend time with baby or go party in richmond. saturday; is tiff's bdaaaaaaaaaay parrttty, crackin. mom comes back saturday, and saturday is also prom. YESSSSSSSSSSSS.

but heres photos from todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :]

finnaly sleepy.

this will be quick and short.

work was easy. today was fun.

& sorry for being a flake. I don't mean to, don't think im ditching, even though it seems. D: its more complicated. and I admit I haven't been around. but ima change that k?

k cool. night.

timmy.

today was easy, didn't have no schoool. didn't have no work.

i stayed home half the day, and cleaned my moms room, my room, sprayed the house down, mop the kitchen, and cleaned my bathrooom. i felt so accomplished. haha. i also got to drive my bmw... in such a long time.. even though it was like a complete oven, making me drown in my sweat.

after a while. i went to "work" and hanged out with matt<3. we got dolla scoop.. and these giant pizzas. lol. matt was being a dick all day, thanks faggot. we chilled a little bit at blue rock, and went back to his casa... i met his mommy and sister & played rockband. then went to go play gta4... and had a weird ..... flashback. -_- you don't want to know, and i wish i didn't either.

watched futerama, and southpark. got to to just chill and hang out with him. then i finnaly head out.. and now im home.

im going to school tommorow and i have work tommorow. and why has it been so hot lately.. and i might move? mhm, and this time.. i dont think shes kidding this time. ugh.

420, was such a fail.

i guess faith, decided to keep me sober on 420, and i ain't complaining.. today was a long and hot day it was too complicated. oh man, oh man.


i had work, and decided to become a failure at school, and didn't go... i worked all alone on my full shift, juggling sweeps, carts, and bagging. fml right? i get out, and still plans still got super kilt. my dad ended up staying home.. and killed every single plan. didn't get to smoke on 4:20pm, with blaine, justin and alfie. get yelled at about teejay and morgan's table. you have no idea how angry i was... i even.. kicked teejay. sorry baby.


but, in the long run, alexis, robert, twin, matt, matt<3, and i decided to to go to berryessa. we go, but sort of late. go to the big rock thingy, and this time no one was a pussy... esp. matt. jumping off it first, and did it 3 times more then matt & alexis. lol. PUSSSY. oh yeah, thanks for throwing my vitamin water HUN &&& almost throwing the muscle milk at MY FACE .. and actually letting that shit open up and fucking skeet all over me. -_- lol. then... poorbaby matt, kinda killed his car because him and alexis HAD to try to do stupid shit with their cars. but, after a while his car got better. on the way back, it seemed longer and alexis and matt hadd to play games, by honking or either turning off their lights -_- hella scary.


went to arco, and post. head home, to go spilt. "hey he thinks your hellllaaa cuteeee!" "HEY... SHUTTHEFUCKUP!" "matt.. your fat." hang out with my lover for a bit :] haha i know your ticklish now! bwhaaahahha. and now im home bored.

lemme show you some pictures twin took from the past weeks. FUCKING hella DOPE.

^ me and my bestfriend everrrrrrrrrrr :D

^ MY BABY TEEEEJAYYYY<3

twin's hella good huh. check out his flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/ttsmasher

&&& ill post pictures from the family party from saturday, when i get them. :] that day was hella fun! me, patrick, tim, justin & jalien hella beat you guys. haha "LOOK AT ME WITH MY SHORTS"

oh hello sunday.

if i could tell you my day, my whole weekend i would. but my dad's being a total dick as always. "GET OFF THE COMPUTER, BLAHBLAHBLAH" FUCK YOU

all day with this guy (below). thank you for a verrry WONDERFULAMAZINGFUN day.

and tommorow is 420. youll catch me at safeway till 330, then blasted the whole daaaaaay.

"aye this yo girl?"

tonight.. or either yesterday night, was rockin' that thang, hosted by bayhypee.. at glaskat again..

I was the only chick tech. because mel, alexa didn't wanna go to this one.. oh well. I went with robert, alexis, vince, matt, miami, fliepe, and like 3 other asain dudes. I forgot their names -_- hahaha. took like 6 gulps out of the bottle, nasty as fuckkkk. I had to spend 10 dollars because of my dumbass self left one of the presales at home.. but luckily cris hella had two left :] he saved meee. mookie, tina and them were there... I saw fuckin' anthony, jeremy, and adam there too -_-.

I ended up taking care of alexis haaaaalf the club, because he got hella sick. and I didn't want to leave him becuase that's hella messd upp.. even though I was in super dance mode. haha. oh well, friends are way more important always. the songs weren't baddd at all :] and my outfit was bangin'... but maaaan it kept rising up so I couldn't dance good.... Faaaaaaillllll!!!!!!!

maaan. 5 dudes hella tried to get at me. haahaha hella funny. esp one.. when I was waiting for alexis and ..

"aye, what's you name..." etcetc then robert comes by and I stand next to him and the dude was like "oh this your girl.. oh my bad... just saying wasssup" .. but I saw one dude tho.. he was cuttteeee. he was teasing me hella bad... ugh no digits tho? hahaha justkidding. im good.

I was a tad mad at the end becuase when alexis felt better he kinda just left without saying thanks or whateverr... gah. and my secret was sooooooo mean to me all night. ugh. D:

I drove home.. bringing matt, alexis, and robert. alexis is so dumb sing paramore song "omgg im sooo fuckeddd upp ooohhhmmmmyygoood." haaha. idiot.

so me and my secret talked. and I felt better... and guess what. " im starting to fall for youu..." dittttto. :]

ugh you make me cheeese so bad. "booboo" drunk asss. welll see you tmmmrwww? hangout with meeeee.. I hope my dad isn't mad at me. holy jesus.

i am so sleepy.

i want to fall asleep now, i wanna lay in my mommy's comfy bed, and just get hellla energy for tommorow. i got work, and after i want to go to the mall real quick to find an outfit for, bayhype's rockin' that thang. im juiced. :]

today was so sad. i didn't get to go on my set plans with juiceteen & blaine. i saw oddie, and she looks like she's dying D: .. im offically car-less. fml. it was depressing to take out all my shit out of my car, just thinking about how i was going to fix it up and have my freedom. but my dad gots to be an ass, and just don't give a shit about me and go help everybody else.

thanks blaine&juiceteen for the blunt, i needed it. i drove high to walmart, and it was a nice getaway from my dad's bitchass, wash the yukon and the 4runner. ugh. i got to see my secret today :D .. man i sure gotta tell you.. i love being around him. we chief and go on a walk to some scary cliff thingy... hella zooooooooooooted, my contacts were going insane. get jack and the box, the churros was sooo goood. go to vinces, they hookah and i got to see ben & levi. those boys are hella funny :] and thanks vince for hitting my moms car, asshole.

andddd now im homeee.. sleepy. and i enjoyed being with my secret. you have my eskamo hat btw. and i still want pizza and sushi. <333youu.

what a fucking day.

i'm so tired now, i had a super long day. both stressful and complete relief with everything that's been going on.

i just erased... everything i wrote. because; it didnt sound right. it looks like shit. and i'm overall tired, and loosing every energy as hell. i know i was suppose to write about my happy night, but all i got to tell you is, im really happy again.

but theres still things i need to tell and set some ground rules, because i forgot, i did make myself main morals i have set before i went out to see you. for heads up; please don't lie. i dont want to hear, "oh im not with her..." then finding out from someone else that you guys are still a thing. please don't be sad. you don't need to think about the past, and whats going on with her. your so much better off, and im not saying that just because i do have a thing for you. your a good guy and deserve so much better then stressing off stupid ass shit. please don't hurt me again. i'm giving this my LAST try.... 100%... one more chance. screw it up, and i'm done with everything, even as being a friend. all i ask is honesty. be straight forward with me, no more hiding shit. k deal?

on a better note: i enjoy just spending time with you. walking. talking. sitting. listening. music. food. this is all what i really want with someone. no one wants a rush, make sure we get it right this time. and all the butterflies are going insane right now. and i'm not going to lie, i sure love this feeling and i can't wait to get more. l - o - v - e - r . ps: you fail at singing at songs. hahahaha, and that pizza i BOUGHT was pretttyyy goood. you owe me sushi!

and for other topics. FUCK YOU DUMBASS PEOPLE. you are a fucking idiot, get your dumb ass racist self out of here. you dont know shit and stop fucking blaming me, for your dumb ass actions. even though, i was literally over that shit, YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE AND HAVE TO FUCKING COMPLAIN AND ACT HELLA HARD FOR NO APPARENT REASON, BITCH THE LAST TIME WE WERE IN THE SAME PLACE AND THE SAME TIME, YOU DIDN'T SAY SHIT. so fuck you, and get your fucking facts straight.

blaine, justin and i are planning a little get together for bajamdam and extra few guests to come and just chill, eat and enjoy the outdoors. im so juiced, so tommorow morning we are going to go look at the spots in rockville. and i think we are gonna burn too.. i havent in soooo long. :] and for my secreettttttttt. ill see you tommorow <3



oh yeah heres some pictures from hookah; from yesterday night...
thanks: mel, vince, alexis, morgan, cj, ian, twin, charles, robert, danielson, juiceteen, matt. & tim, and the 2 others. for coming overrrrrrr.

thanksss charrrlieee for the photos :D

wanna see more? visit : http://mcclanahancharles.blogspot.com/

& that's what you get.

For all the things that ever happened to be this past week, and i have learned this is all not easy. My mind is back into state; believing i'm weak and fallen for something i thought i never will ever be back into...but this time, i'm going to do it different.

My mind hurts, My body hurts, My soul hurts to the fullest and its been a long time since I been back on this road. I just never understand why traps fallen into place and I walked right into it. How can I not know, this is was going to happen. Gut feelings, hurt the worse. To know the risky outcomes and future complications, you feel like a complete idiot. But what makes you so different? To be honest, it takes a good while for any guy nor girl to ever make me feel the way i feel now. I'm so lost, feel so alone, feeling like you fucked up, feeling maybe surprised the way things happened, the way i'm taking it all in, what a complete fucking mess.

I'm still confused, why haven't you text, called or even tried to get any hold of me. Honestly leaving me hanging isn't an option. Shit, I admit what happened was wrong, and never had any intention to hurt anyone.. even myself. For the fact you met me half way to create all of this, cut me some fucking slack and don't leave me wondering what the hell is going on. I can't believe i even did the things I did the past weeks, because I NEVER DO THIS SHIT EVER. Since my last heartbreak, oh man, trust me guys aren't the issue. My guard has been up to the extreme.. and finally letting some come past it and making me feel like i'm on top of the world... damn who the hell are you?

I'm tired and fed up. I'm sick of people taking advantage of my feelings, and ripping every last happiness i have left. Just the fact I started to actually like you, it hurts the most. I don't even know what I am to you. You really hurt me. I am hurt writing this all, but in the long run, I can't do this shit anymore. These are reasons why I hate being wrapped in someone, because all in the end i'm going to get fucked over. Even though, I have no regrets, this is just another bump in the road that i will take with me, so the next person i talk to, i won't make the same mistake.

so when your ready, i'm here, because shit there's no reason for me to hunt you down. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. and i hope you and her and whatever you have in store for you, good luck. and i wish you the best of things. and i didn't take anything back, i stay true to my word, and will always be here for you...

till then, i'm done, and i have way more important shit, to fucking mop around, then thinking about the next time you'll say anything to me. so fuck you, and when your ready to grow up and grow some fucking balls, you know where to find me.

and for all my realest of friends i have left, i thank you for being there for me, honestly you guys are the best thing i have left. and knowing that theres good ass people out there, then damn i am so way better off. thank you alot, & i mean it till the day i die.

happy easter.

my day consist of alll dayyy SAFEWAY, fuck my life right? 7 hours, seemed like 10. but, most def. chill. hella easy, hella active, hella funny; good so... depression wouldn't hit so hard.

i been literally depressed this whole week. its fucking crazy insane, i don't know what to do. i don't even know where to even start. my moms been gone, and won't be here in like 3 more weeks. i miss her like hell, but she's having fun. i'm fucking broke off my ass, like what the fuck. i don't have money for my paramore tickets, prom, my fucking outings and whatnot. FUCK. someone help me.

boy troubles. i fucking hate this shit, but to be honest, i'm glad how i'm taking this all in. i think i woulda gave in. i think i woulda been hella missing. i think i woulda cried my ass off. i would have been hella sad, not smiling not laughing how i usually am. but you know what, if you can't even have the fucking balls to tell me what the fuck is going on, then whatever. you fucking played with my head. that fucking hurts. and i'm sick of stupid ass people trying to do this. fuck, i have fucking feelings just like you, her, him. fuck you, now i feel like i'm back where i started.

fuck my fucking life. im still hella mad. ugh, but whatever i dont need that. never will. so when your ready, im here. till then, goodluck with your shit.

why.

You say the sweetest things and I
Can't keep my heart from singing along to the sound of your song
My stupid feet keep moving to this 4/4 beat, I'm in time with you
Whoa, to this 4/4 beat I would die for you (die for you)

(Someone stop this)
I've gone too far to come back from here, but you don't have a clue
You don't know what you do to me

Won't someone stop this song, so I won't sing along
Someone stop this song, so I won't sing...

I never let love in so I could keep my heart from hurting
The longer that I live with this idea, the more I sink into this 4/4 beat
I'm in time with you
Whoa, to this 4/4 beat I would die for you (stop this song)

I've gone too far to come back from here, but you don't have a clue
You don't know what you do to me
I've come too far to get over you, and you don't have a clue
You don't know what you do to me

Can't someone stop this song, so I won't sing along
Someone stop this song, so I won't sing

Your lovesick melody is gonna get the best of me tonight
But you won't get to me if I don't sing

It creeps in like a spider
Can't be killed, although I try and try to
Well, don't you see I'm falling?
Don't wanna love you, but I do

(Lovesick melody) Can someone stop this song, so I won't sing along?
(Lovesick melody) Can someone stop this song, so I won't sing?
Your lovesick melody is gonna get the best of me tonight
But you won't get to me, no
You won't get to me 'cause I won't sing

no I won't.

my head hurts. and I told my self to be ready for this.

im confused as hell.

ugh and that's what you get.

happy birthday morgan. I hope you have a good day. I hope you enjoy the cookies, and the card. be safe and I love you.

in complete happiness.

i had a very good day, i loved every second of it. and it went like this;

had soc, that class is always intresting. get ready for fujjjiiis with the TRIO! copped and swooped alexis, that bitch takes forever to get ready. roll it, sparked it, tac tac the 4runner, blasssteddd, get to fujjis and ate HELLA fucking sushi,

even though everyone kept looking at us.. alexis and his stupid glad container, took hella sushi. head out to arden, saw hella legit hookahs and headed home. lightweight traffic and tired as fuck. go take a nap, wake up, because i had to rescue teejay, then head out to vallejo. i saw vince, matt, alexa, nikki, miami, levi, ben, cheech, sherilynn, and john. some spilt, and we decided to burrrn.

i got to hang out with my .... jesus i need a name for him. <3 hahaha, chill, talk, laugh. haha and maybe a little bit more. so sweet, and i finnaly felt like i was at home. music was playing, the view was amazing, ugh finnnallly i have what i wanted in so long. after being and hour late, we spilt and he got me some candy. " your the first person i will only buy anything for, esp. im munching, so.. feel special ;) "

so sweet. ANNDDD my dad gave me good news, hes going to back to work tommorow!.... so that means........... FRIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

happpy birthday my bestest friend in the world !!

ill see you tommorow with suprises! and i got my interview at rod tommorow, for prom :] craaackin' toooooooooo juiced. <333

i dont i dont, but i want i want.

today was such a long day, i was at gayway alll day. kevin called in sick, so karl gave me hella more hours, and got a fullll 8 hour shift. fuck i haven't had one in so long, i was so exhausted the whole day, i almost collaspe the last hour because i had negative energy then, and now.

today was random. it rained, i listen to music all day. i pushed carts. karl, johnny and john are halirous. i smiled all day, because of a certain someone. and for some reason, i'm loving this feeling.

"idk aeriel.. but okay." i know, i know. i just have this feeeling, and i haven't felt like this in a very long time. someones actually talking to me all day. having a good ass conversation that dosen't involve anything sexual. i need this, and i been waiting for something like this for a while. i'm not going to jump into conclusions and think this could be it ending my "being single", since kevin.. but i don't know.. i like where this is going.

i like having someone make me feel good. and actually taking the time to get to know me. no rush involved. thank god. i'm really happy, but i'm still confused.. i just don't want to get wrapped up in something.. not worth it. i'm not going down that path again.

tommorow will be fun, class will be easy. going to get sushiiiii tommorow :) YESS, to satisfy our craving, since we went to berkley last night, all we sawww was sushi.. so why not get some! and then ill see the person, whos been making me smile later that night. ugh. what a day. <3

"what do you wanna do tommorow? anything in mind?"

"mm.. no, but as long as your with me, i'm all good."

like i said.

i hope i don't start to fall. & i had a pretty good day.


and i fucking hate my dad.

redbull.

i'm tired, weak from this crackin' weekend, from working my ass off, and just going through million of different things all at once.

i have this paper right now, and i don't even know what the hell to write, for the fact i wasn't there at class when it was annouced.. so i'm fucked. -_- i saw, and hanged with my bestfriend. god i missed him. we went to walmart like old times and catched up and couldnt stop laughing for him making me drop a redbull hella bad and throwing balls at my face. -_- that sounded sick. hahahah

this weekend i got to see everyone. everyone from bajamdam. from the vallejos. and even old friends. i had fun. fucked up every night, and had good times... except my night being kilt for the fact morgan's party is pushed back another week because my dad had to drop the bomb and said.. "im on vacation." FML.

i'm confused. so confused. still don't know what to do, i hope i don't fall to hard.
"so disapointed." ... trust me, your not the only one.

and tell me why this is so true for this month?

What seems romantic could suddenly start to seem a little unhealthy, maybe. If that's the case, it's really time to do some deep work, emotionally. Look at your actions, and your patterns. Is there something you keep doing, over and over again? Is there some way you could maybe stop? What's keeping you from trying something new? Is it the sense of security that the familiar brings, even if the familiar isn't necessarily painless? Or is it something else? How might you make a change? Think about it this month. After all, it's springtime -- a season of new beginnings.


ugh, why are you doing this to me.

oh my jesus.

my weekend so far has been pretty crackin', but right now this phone call to the phillipines is killing me. my mom's and my conversation keeps getting cut off every fucking minute, can i just fucking talk real quick?

so thursday, i dropped off my mom to the airport with robert. ended up chilling here for a while.. we talked to some douche bags that are fucking faggots. "US DOLLARS YOU MEAN?" couldn't stop dyiinngg when robert kept taking fail pictures of my mom. my mom headed out and depression came. i was super depressed inside.. just no one knew it.

after everyone met up around 12ish at justins: me, robert, melanie, blaine, justin, alexis, and matt. we drove the ek and the m5, which was pretty fun. we went to safeway to get our food... and i got fucking paraniod because james was there.. and there was like NO COURTESY CLERK working at all. so i had to get out of that bitch. omg.. speaking of bitch, when we were slappin real quick before we left this stupid ass bitch and dude was cracking up and staring at all of us for hella long.. hella have a problem!? we finnaly spilt, forgetting the lighter fluid -_-... and burned on the way there... hella fucking driving crazy and trippen me out..

we finnaly get there.. and it was kinda cold but it got warmer. we didn't want to swim and kept debating on party rock. we made hot dogs.. and hella fail burgers.. everyone kept laughing and wasting hella foods. lol -_- and corn was good too! so we chill for hella long. take hella pictures... decide to go to party rock and ... me and melanie went to this hella dirty ass bathroom.. and almost died there... we goto party rock and went on adventures.. fuckin alexis kept throwing like mini pinecones and kept getting stuck in my hair.. asshole.. no one jumped the party rock because people are giant pussssaaaays. hahah :]

after i had a kickit at my house.. which was fucking crrackin'. i was drunk off my mind.. and fucking bestfriend came too! :] so happy. weird ass day huh? temptation is a bitch.

next day.. i work all day. it wasn't toooooooo bad. haha. i love my co-workers. :] except.. james. hahahahaa decide to have another kickit.. which was fucking crackin'.

explain moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

april fools.

i got fooled once or you can say twice but alexa failed :).

today i had work 11:30 - 6:30. so my whole day was at fucking safeway. hella easy because james wasn't there :) i love it when hes not there... work is crackin'. lunch time i listented to hella stories and i couldn't stop cracking up. crystal made me hella laugh today when she got hella dissed by this lady. HAHA, priceless. i saw jordan, john with always a new car. hanged out with vince after work, and went to pandaexpress then went back to work again to get dropped off.

now i'm home.. and tommorow;

i gotta bring my mom to the airport.. shes leaving D: .. and robert is going with me, since bestfriend has work.

gonna go to the lake with: blaine, justin, melanie, alexis, matt, matt, vince, and hopefully twin&robert, when italk to them tommorow.

i got to catch up with daniel son! we are too juiced for....