its been too fucking long.

since i bloggedd. my computer is all fucked up and man... where the fucking do i start.

i had so much shit to say these past weeks, but there was no way i the time. im fucking busy all the time, now i got school in the morning. work usually all day then at night is when i finnaly get to have my normal life. so fucked up schedule? i think so.

i hella learned hella shit this summer. growing up in general. i finnaly realized that love can actually hurt and make a difference in my life. i know now whos my real friends and who really never really cared. its just everything i needed before i get my life situated forsure.

i cant believe all this shit is happening all at once. its crazy. with all that past relationship shit. its like i lost hope, and im hella just disapointed. i thought i knew somebody i known for so long, and bascially fucking spent my past year with and now its like i dont know you. it makes me sad when you now yell at me and act like im some fucking asshole, think back if i ever done anything to you... i don't remember that i ever did anything. im sorry if your searching for a blame that you lost a friend or what not. ITS NOT ME, your the one who did this on your self. HELLA FUCKING SELFISH. and that goes for apparently people who say they care. i dont fucking get you.. but whatever. why waste emotions my breathe on you when your the one who dont deserve any of my feelings. you guys have fun, and good luck with everything. just remember, karmas a bitch. "if you wanna play it like a game, well come on, come on lets play."

so with guys in general... im sad. to see all these dudes getting stuck on girls games hella bad. -_- makes me want to slap them in the face and be like foreals. for me, i already know the game and im just sick of fucking dudes playin with my head. i really dont need this bullshit no more, geez. ill be here when your ready.

i really actually have nothing to blog really, since i bascially am not in the feel to blog... damn, i had hella good shit to say too. hahah. oh well.

last night, chillen with the ono crew... melanie, me, cyrill, mischelle, james, matt, ren, and kent. lmfaoo.. hella funny shiit.
woo


stop loss.. haha i shall blog later.

wing stop baby.

haha, that shit can keep people happy. i love these random eating midnight snacks. haha. thanks don and melanie. fucking arco is random and talk to hella random people esp when your waiting for gas.

work today wasnt bad, cyril was hella funny. and work seemed... slow, but fast? i dont know. i had fun tho, im sad that ren is leaving :( who will i talk to when im with garvin?! noooooo. nigga. :( that bitch. i work at 4 tommorw :(


i dont even know what im suppose to blog about.

bascially that now i know im offically doing alot better then you fuck faces. i got friends that i need, i'm having fun every day, i have a job, i have a plan for my life, and im just happy. and when that next boy comes around, you better work hard, cas im def not playing games no more.

and i just have to remember every bad thing there is a good thing. and things def happen for the better.

holleeer.

cant believe it.

i can put you in a log cabin somewhere as-pin.

aha. i had a urge to blog and kick off david off my computer. so where do we start.

these past couple days, i almost started to cave in hella bad. i thought my life was about to shut down and had to start over where i was trying to get away from. i wanted to know the truth, and there i got it.. but what do i do now? im to fucking emotionally stress out, and im taking it all out on my body. im scared i'm slip up, and its all over.


i feel like im gaining weight, why am i dont all this shit every night. i dont sleep till like fucking 2 or 3. i wake up feeling like shit. im starting to breathe hella different, and i feel like im just ruining everything for myself, i just need something to happen to make me realize how is all works. so i'm just gonna stop this, maybe not today but soon. fucking pathetic.

i think im getting weaker by the minute, cas im so fucking fustrated. some people dont fucking get it, and its so fucking selfish i hate it. they think this whole process is so easy to get over, remember we all have our own shit to handle in different ways, and its like i dont have time to explain again how i feel and why the fuck does this keep happening over and over. the fact i see other people being weak, make me feel sorry and makes me sad that why do we sit here in denial. its hard, so i need to take my advice and move on.

people are so stupid, and how dare you fucking act like everything is alright. i fucking hate boys like my pass exs or maybe even future flakes, or im just choosing and falling for the wrong people. for that goes, im tired of letting them making me happy, even though im def. craving for somebody to hold me again, look at me and tell me in some way, im making a difference in their life. i want somebody to hold my hand and give me kisses once in a while, and somebody and i can just lay down with and just talk about anything without being scared of making a fool out of yourself. im getting so fucking scared that i'm getting played again with all these guys. ps: i better not be one of those "other girls" because im not going down the same path again. fucking faggot.

i dont even know whos even my real friends anymore. i dont even know who to run to. i dont even know if somebody out there even cares for me the way i care for them. somebody please help me.

fucking shit.

yeah im hella fucking tired, waking up like 15 mins ago. thats hella stupid.
haha. im just so fucking tired from two nights ago, and just tired from.. being tired? haha.

i got fucking work today... and i called in yesterday... and cyril will end up bitching and shit. blahblahblahblahblah.

and now im here... at home.. being azy.. i think imma start working out again fursure... yeah..

soo.... haha everything is hella DISAPOINTING. people are hella fucking stupid. and think they can get away with everything. how long did you really think you can get away with it? fucking hella stupid. -_- irritating.

guys are hella dumb too, i rather be off just having fun, even if im craving, ill just let them come to me. pssssh.

so... im just gona relax till work... and shit... damnnit.

...

so bascially last night helllaaa funnn.

but then again... im starting to know everything.

this week is fucking hectic.


and honestly what the hell am i suppose to write. i dont know if im more mad sad or just plain over it.


im hella ... what the fuck.


just remember KARMAS A BITCH.
and youll get yours kay?

hallelujah

im home, and i feel happy and full.

i get home to find david, ian brian andrew don at my house, then after alexa and morgan come.

today was my dads 50th birthday, and threw him a little baby get together, with some food and what not. i had work today, and it was alright.. just that im getting bored of it really bad. haha. and my body is starting to hurt hella bad. dammn.

i started to think about things, and how this is all working out. like whats my plan and whats god gonna do about it? im just kinda lost, still trying to figure out whats going on with me. like im doing stuff, i used to hate and had to re-think about. i dont know. i feel stupid, but somehow im learning.

i hope to seee new things, and new people. and maybe a new me.
i want to find those butterfiles again and how badly im craving for somebody to hold my hand again, and just feel good about yourself. even how much i say nobody even a boyfriend shouldnt be the one to make you feel better... its just something i need too. haha :)
soo somebody out thereeeee hollleeeeerrrrr.

till theeeeen..... imma have my fun. :)

fucking double shift.

im so fucking tired stilll, and i got to get ready after this blog, then leave my house by 1030, then work at 11 to 4. 5 - c. does that makes sense? damn, i hate it imma be so tired when im done, or probably sick of ono. -_____-

so yesterday, i go to the lake finnaly, with audrina, angel angelica stepmom and father on their lovely boat. we tan in the burning sun which i did get darker :) and swam, then chill so more, then finnaly when tubbbbing, went pee in the nasty "s.s relief", my arms still feel like jello, then all go wakeboarding, and it started to get chilly and we start heading in around 9ish. haha. HAD NO SIGNAL ALL DAY, fucking sucked.

got home, showered, hang with melanie, got blaine and meet up with alfie and justin. that was quite intresting. i was just hella tired. -____________- and finnaly go home around one, was suppose to blog last night, but i end up passing out.

and now im awake, think imma get ready now, and dance in my room. hahahaahah

FUCK ONO ALL DAY!? visit me

"aeriel, your becoming bad."

haha, really though? man, i'm no sure what i'm really looking for to say, but its bascially "whatever". i finnaly get to chill and relax and hang since i'm fucking off for once.
i work sunday = double shift, ALL DAY. S80 just that day,
monday, tues, off wed, thurs friday, saturday and sunday i work next week. FUCK.
like fucking around 200 somethang, just for that week,
god DAMN, i cant wait to see my check sooon. :)
imma be baaaalllllliiiiinnnn.

hahah! so im starting to realize things. everything in general.

boys for example, how much i really dont need to be wasting and making that the center of my world, i still am giving chances, and just letting it go on its own. if you want to talk to me, then talk to me :) if your busy, im def busy.
damn i wont see you till, the 11basically. DAMN. 9 days? a week?!
DDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMNN. haha oh well. more fun for me.

im starting to think everyone needs some growing up to do, dosent matter if its just being college bound, listening to your parents, doing chores or anything... JUST GROW UP.
tech, i know i have plenty of mine to do, but please do yours as well.
im just trying to have fun, and you dont need to make things worse.... like i mean come on, dont like somebody? then don't talk to them, and dont lie you wanted to hang out with them at one point. maybe jealously involved, we believe. damn its okay, you got plenty of other people too.
i still love you tho, just dont be rude about it.
cas i mean first of all, WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? nothing i believe so dont have to act like your fucking cool. yup.

i still miss and think about the others just hopeing their still okay, but just now isnt the time. i just hope we can just swuash and just pass up all this shit. cas i know we are quite better then that yeah? just a bit disapointed and maybe just lost some respect, but i'm still willing to try if you are too. but when that time comes, you know where to find me.

so i know im not perfect, i might sound like a hypocrite, and maybe you guys were all right, i needed to explore and actually feel how this all goes, but i know fore sure this summer will be over, i'm starting a new me, i cant be doing this all the time, its fun, but... eh its not me. i'll start focusing what i need to, which reminds me i need to reg, which i should do tommorow... but yeah.

today was hella fun, fucking "chaaaddwiccc and miniii c"
those poptarts CRACKIN, and coke. mm yum? yeah weird.
but hitman was fucking crazy too.


now im tired, imma pass out and sleep goooooooooood.
loves and pray for people and things.


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