cant believe it.

i can put you in a log cabin somewhere as-pin.

aha. i had a urge to blog and kick off david off my computer. so where do we start.

these past couple days, i almost started to cave in hella bad. i thought my life was about to shut down and had to start over where i was trying to get away from. i wanted to know the truth, and there i got it.. but what do i do now? im to fucking emotionally stress out, and im taking it all out on my body. im scared i'm slip up, and its all over.


i feel like im gaining weight, why am i dont all this shit every night. i dont sleep till like fucking 2 or 3. i wake up feeling like shit. im starting to breathe hella different, and i feel like im just ruining everything for myself, i just need something to happen to make me realize how is all works. so i'm just gonna stop this, maybe not today but soon. fucking pathetic.

i think im getting weaker by the minute, cas im so fucking fustrated. some people dont fucking get it, and its so fucking selfish i hate it. they think this whole process is so easy to get over, remember we all have our own shit to handle in different ways, and its like i dont have time to explain again how i feel and why the fuck does this keep happening over and over. the fact i see other people being weak, make me feel sorry and makes me sad that why do we sit here in denial. its hard, so i need to take my advice and move on.

people are so stupid, and how dare you fucking act like everything is alright. i fucking hate boys like my pass exs or maybe even future flakes, or im just choosing and falling for the wrong people. for that goes, im tired of letting them making me happy, even though im def. craving for somebody to hold me again, look at me and tell me in some way, im making a difference in their life. i want somebody to hold my hand and give me kisses once in a while, and somebody and i can just lay down with and just talk about anything without being scared of making a fool out of yourself. im getting so fucking scared that i'm getting played again with all these guys. ps: i better not be one of those "other girls" because im not going down the same path again. fucking faggot.

i dont even know whos even my real friends anymore. i dont even know who to run to. i dont even know if somebody out there even cares for me the way i care for them. somebody please help me.