lets try this one more time, i'm going to finally try to write everything down. to release those lost, confused thoughts out, and get time to relax and breathe.
this weekend has been in its worse, i thought almost opposite about a week ago, because i won't lie, i was overly juiced for this weekend. i thought i was going to be able to gig, and enjoy a different environment i haven't been to in a while... that was a fail. i thought i was going to get fucked up in a nice hotel room, with all the dressed up people, but it only lasted for like 3 hours because it was over cigarettes. i thought those shots and brownie would a put me in my place, but they actually tossed me around and made me be lost for the rest of the night.
this weekend, i couldn't believe the things i heard, the things i felt, and the things i never thought would of happened, happened. i got told i wasn't the best person out there, being stuck in denial and still pondering if everything is still a bit ify. i'm still lost, and gathering up your words. i'm going to repeat them over and over until i get it right, and i'm sorry for the way you feel, and to all the things i did to hurt you. this is will be all fixed... somehow.
i couldn't believe the feelings i felt, right when i heard your voice. i never want you to see the way i was that night. i felt pathetic and useless, and being in the state i was in, i didn't want to see anyone. the things i thought, and the things that was just screaming in my head.. what was i suppose to do? but the weirdest thing you were right next to me, pretty much making sure my existence wasn't going to waste. i'm still confused, and it makes the situation for me even more confusing. i'm back to almost stage one, and it sucks because all i can do is blame myself. even with all the confusion raging, thanks though...for taking care of me.
now i want a restart button, and i'm going to take this in a little different. i need to take time off, of my intense outings and relax one time. i hope i get to find a backbone, to help me realize theres still hope... and i hope this weekend can top last weekend... please. paramore & loveEvolution.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
blank.
i wanted to blog away, but as i thought of all the thoughts i wanted to jog down,
... i caught myself again. i need to stop that now.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
i think... you might be slightly missed.
sitting here, being here, finally taking a break from this intense busy weekend is definitely is a breather. i'm lightweight tired, high, lost, and a tad bit confused.
friday night was exciting, going to blow up with over 15 people and plus meeting up with my cousin and his friends. i got to get rid of my dance crave and got to see a stupid show with people with giant egos. saturday, i basically function the day with only 3 tosin' and turin' hours, doing errans to attending jd's shindig. sunday, was filled with a couple hours of work, and going on a mission and getting blasted in vallejo, and i must agree... "how the hell do you do it? you never get any sleep."
so the weekend has been crackin', and chill, but with that said, alot more over floating thoughts have been hitting me also. i been upset about my poor spending habits down to that thing that was "the last thing on my mind."
i don't know what it is, or how do you do it. from the feeling of being completely frustrated and angry, to feeling akward and nervous butterflies, to the last feeling of being slightly missed. i don't know why till now, i'm still bipolar on the way i feel. i wish i could of took the time to tell you things thats been going on, the things i've witness and done, i want to show you it all. i need to also realize that i might be over thinking this, for all the countless hints for myself, i don't need to waste my time on something that doesn't matter anymore.
all i really do want, i think..... is the way were we were before things got complicated, to where feeling got developed.. to where we drove, sat and talked about things we kept in for so long. you know, the secrets you never want to repeat again.. i want to go back then and tell how much i think i made the risk worthy.. until we fast forward and knew it was too late.
friday night was exciting, going to blow up with over 15 people and plus meeting up with my cousin and his friends. i got to get rid of my dance crave and got to see a stupid show with people with giant egos. saturday, i basically function the day with only 3 tosin' and turin' hours, doing errans to attending jd's shindig. sunday, was filled with a couple hours of work, and going on a mission and getting blasted in vallejo, and i must agree... "how the hell do you do it? you never get any sleep."
so the weekend has been crackin', and chill, but with that said, alot more over floating thoughts have been hitting me also. i been upset about my poor spending habits down to that thing that was "the last thing on my mind."
i don't know what it is, or how do you do it. from the feeling of being completely frustrated and angry, to feeling akward and nervous butterflies, to the last feeling of being slightly missed. i don't know why till now, i'm still bipolar on the way i feel. i wish i could of took the time to tell you things thats been going on, the things i've witness and done, i want to show you it all. i need to also realize that i might be over thinking this, for all the countless hints for myself, i don't need to waste my time on something that doesn't matter anymore.
all i really do want, i think..... is the way were we were before things got complicated, to where feeling got developed.. to where we drove, sat and talked about things we kept in for so long. you know, the secrets you never want to repeat again.. i want to go back then and tell how much i think i made the risk worthy.. until we fast forward and knew it was too late.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)