round two.

lets try this one more time, i'm going to finally try to write everything down. to release those lost, confused thoughts out, and get time to relax and breathe.

this weekend has been in its worse, i thought almost opposite about a week ago, because i won't lie, i was overly juiced for this weekend. i thought i was going to be able to gig, and enjoy a different environment i haven't been to in a while... that was a fail. i thought i was going to get fucked up in a nice hotel room, with all the dressed up people, but it only lasted for like 3 hours because it was over cigarettes. i thought those shots and brownie would a put me in my place, but they actually tossed me around and made me be lost for the rest of the night.

this weekend, i couldn't believe the things i heard, the things i felt, and the things i never thought would of happened, happened. i got told i wasn't the best person out there, being stuck in denial and still pondering if everything is still a bit ify. i'm still lost, and gathering up your words. i'm going to repeat them over and over until i get it right, and i'm sorry for the way you feel, and to all the things i did to hurt you. this is will be all fixed... somehow.

i couldn't believe the feelings i felt, right when i heard your voice. i never want you to see the way i was that night. i felt pathetic and useless, and being in the state i was in, i didn't want to see anyone. the things i thought, and the things that was just screaming in my head.. what was i suppose to do? but the weirdest thing you were right next to me, pretty much making sure my existence wasn't going to waste. i'm still confused, and it makes the situation for me even more confusing. i'm back to almost stage one, and it sucks because all i can do is blame myself. even with all the confusion raging, thanks though...for taking care of me.

now i want a restart button, and i'm going to take this in a little different. i need to take time off, of my intense outings and relax one time. i hope i get to find a backbone, to help me realize theres still hope... and i hope this weekend can top last weekend... please. paramore & loveEvolution.