i'll admit...

i sort of don't remember last night, and that i was high as fuck. oh yeah, i closed my eyes and i thought the lights turned off, and i wasn't even high yet. so, that was a fail.

and i do remember, i admitted i was depressed.

i want today to be a long fun filled day. i want a freakin' haircut, and the i love paramore's new song ignorance, and i'm fucking pre-ordering their cd tommorow. man, oh man.

and hey! F U C K Y O U!

happy fucking 4th of july.

this day overall fucking sucks. it was lame as hell, and all i did was work. i was so drained at work too, it was no good, but whatever.

out of all the past years, this was the worse fourth of july of my life. i remember back in 06' all of was running down the greenbelt shooting off fireworks and hiding in the bushes. all those times at the marina, walking in circles and seeing everyone in fairfield, and watching the big fireworks. that one time at rolands house and we all got fucked up o_O crackin'. the most thing exciting today was meeting up with yvonne and standing on this bridge to watch the fireworks that was being set off from the marina. it was cold as fuck, but at least we got to see something right? i spent the rest of my night, chillen with yvonne and jessica, and just being hella dumb at safeway -_-. what a fucking fail, spending my 4th of july at work, but it was better than be home.

last night though, was basically my 4th of july :) so i guess i'm not really complaining. ian's house was crackin as hell. hahaha, i haven't had a chill and drunk time in hellla long. i finnaly saw old ass friends too, like ian, andrew, cj, randall, phil, beau, and etc. i took like 6 shots of heem :) and played two games of beerpong.

i was hella feelin' good. the night went on and more people came, and i ended up being hella blasted which lead to being hella crossfaded out of my mind. i had fun, and i ended up not going home till like 6ish o_O, and that whole time freakin' oliver, robby, chris, benard, alexis drew all over ian's drunk/passed out self. haha. -_- next friday tho! part 2... but even more people ;) craacckin'.

well i think i'mma get ice cream. watch tv, and pass out. night.

ps: i still get ..

..when i see you.

hello ?

i'm getting sleepy, and tired, theres fairly nothing to do. tonight was a major fail. the majority of us was suppose to meet up and try to finnaly decide on which camping site we would all like to go to but, everyone ended never showing up, too tired from work, things came up, some were missing and some couldn't get out.

i'm like in a gloomy mood right now. i'm starting to think of things that's been wandering around and i guess i never really had time to get it out or really think about it... it's kind of annoying. its one of those things that i'm most def. tired of, over-rated, stupid, worthless, and everything in between. the people who i wanna speak to, the people who i know can help me get this out of my head, i can't. for reasons, i feel like i can't anymore or either i know they might be too busy for me. i'm loosing focus. i feel like i'm going to drown into my lame excuses.

i'm just ready to get out and just do something you know? i'm really getting bored of this all. and all i'm looking forward to is paramore, camping, and maybe get myself in check, by going back to school.

because for everything else.. i'm starting to give up.

so this weekend tho.

might be wack, and i hope my dad dosen't kill it for us all... or at least me. ill be working 1 - 8 on 4th of july. while everyone will be out bbq, swimming, and whatever fun. safeway always seems to kill my fun. ugh.

i saw this on someone's myspace:

"You can love anyone in the world, but the problem is, so can the one you love."

ouch. reality sucks right? i can't believe where i'm still at. get out of my head already, because for the fact is, i'm probably out of yours long time ago. denial, denial, denial. ugh, sometimes i don't know what to do with myself. remember though, stay happy.

________

ps: *31 more days though! and fucking paramore this month!