loves not a competion

its been forever since i sat in this seat, staring and typing away. this whole month, i finally got what i wanted in forever, breathing in the nightlife, doing something completely out of the blue, meeting tons of new people and just creating a step forward away from that has been negative these past few months, and i couldn't ask for anything more.

the thing i been most running away from, has been these things people seem to drool and chase for. the thing everyone wants deeply inside, the thing that people crave and seem to never get enough of. i'm in a love and hate relationship with it, so torn for the fact i'm never satisfied, sometimes overly excited, blinded by cute/harsh words, drawn to cute faces and bullshit games, its the most confusing loving shit ever.

i'll admit when it comes down to these weird bubbly feelings, i'll never understand it. i am young, maybe too young, but old enough to know what's real. i been in love once before, i crushed on different people here and there, and no one lately has made it quite exciting anymore.

when i start devolping feelings for someone, i fucking like that person. they are more important then the rest, they seem to catch my attention with a quickness. they seem to know how to take my breath away, i just don't know but they just seem to know how to work the magic.

i really don't know how i'm feeling at the moment. ugh i don't know wither to hate, to like, or to miss. i still don't fucking get it. why... are you still here? have i really let go? and i wonder if you still think also. i still don't get why we are here. and i don't know to either erase, to either believe the things you said once before, because if i erase, then your such a good liar. you said you didn't want to become that person, when you are going straight down that road. i remember quite well.

& i just caught myself.
i caught myself.mp3