yawn*

its like i'm dead. completely focus, but too tired to even function. my feet hurt fucking hella bad, and my eyes feel like their going to shut on me, but i say hold on a couple more minutes, i want to fucking blog.

work's homo, everything's homo. i just want to be off and relax, but surely, i know my two days off will be crappy as hell, for the fact fuckin' romeo's off those days, and so i gotta lie and be like i got work ! and do something cool those days. i kind of want to do photography, call up twin and tell him.. photoshoot missions! go shopping, treat teejay, and maybe treat myself.

this summer, dosen't even feel like summer. i feel stupid, and i feel like this year is going by so quickly, and i haven't really have done anything exciting. the last time i ever felt really juiced about doing something was the times we would go to jackson, have those DOPE ass bonfires, even just having dinner sundays at my house.

i just want to go to santa cruz. i want someone to take me to fucking L.A. because everyone around me has gone, is going or whatever, while i get lied to every year by people and saying "oh i'll take you don't worry." and i been there, heard that, got too excited for no reason, man people are fucked up. the one place i truly i want to go to, i can't go. someone down? because i'm fucking down.

i can't wait for august to roll around so i can finally go camping with everyone, and actually just relax and be the the people i miss and love being around the most. i'm seriously so juiced for it. shoot me already.

i think, i need to set priorities for myself. i'm so lazy, never have plans for myself. i want to go back and do acting again and fucking try to actually fulfill my longlife plan of becoming famous. i want to loose weight and gain muscle.. ahha okay just kidding, i just want to loose weight thoughhh. i want to complete my stages of becoming that vegetarian. i want to gain my push and motivation to go to school and i just want to focus on something... completely... mine. i don't know, it could be a hobby, a new job, i don't know. something though... something..

and i have to admit, i'm really fucking confused right now. ouch, but i'll wait and see where faith leads me too. ugh. and the weird thing is? i keep getting really bad deja vu.. or really bad... flashbacks, and fucking shit. i don't like it at all.