its hot up in this bitch.

i'm sleepy, maybe to excited its fucking thursday tomorrow, have i ever told you thursday's are my days?! thursday is payday. thursday is when my dad goes back to work for the rest of the week. thursday... seems to always be the most exciting day in the week for me, so i'll tell you this. i fucking can't wait.

i woke up feeling a bit better, for the fact last night i ended up having some type of flu/fever thing that got me feeling like i was going to die. i think i been officially overworked and being around sick ass people, has finally got to me. work was super slow, tiring as hell. the super usuals. but during the slow ass day i had alot of things on my mind.

i guess to be honest, i feel like i weaken, but you gotta give me a break. look at it this way. a month ago, it was this whole thing of just... pretty dope ass times, that got me feelin' really good. then all of a sudden a cut off. the transition from being so happy to being... you have to kind of got to step back from all of it, its pretty fucking hard. i'm not use to things yet, even though i told myself i have to literally bite the bullet and just be happy right? i mean shit i have been, and i'm really proud how i'm doing... but then again... there are times where i trap myself back into this mentality where i was a month ago and my brain esp. my feelings come into play, asking " why the fuck does this happen? ". i always wonder if i do things wrong, or even down to lowest of thinking... am i even good enough? but i have to respect other peoples feelings beside mines even if it might hurt for a while, but like they all say, " if it was really meant to be, it'll will come back.... eventually."

anyways, i hope tomorrow will be the day i finnaly get a ...... shh! its a secret. good luck to me. because, shit i really need this right now.

* "someone is always chasing somebody. so... who's chasing?"

me.