restart.

theres a fuckin' ant on my keyboard. he/she is playing hide and seek with me, and you know what?! i hope squish your disgusting ugly body. harsh, but i can't stand bugs, esp. bugs like ants. ew.

i keep erasing what i keep typing, but for some reason its really not making sense, or at least my choice of words aren't coming out the way i want it to...but i'll tell you this. i feel better to be honest, like i finally let go things i wondered about and somewhat got some of my answers, even if they weren't so clear to me. i'm on the verge of staying positive and just focusing on things that have to deal with me, and nobody else.

in the past last 18 years of my life i have to admit, i always put other people besides myself in front. i had this thing, where i believe i wanted to keep everyone happy at all costs. for example, i absolutely i love when birthdays arrives, or special occasions arrive. i love making surprises, buying gifts, doing anything in my will power to see that person's smile. and when it comes down to it, i forget about my happiness all together. selfish as it might sound, in the long run its all about yourself and no one else.

i guess i'm ready to stick up for myself, because i'm just tired of people taking advantage of me. i always feel stepped on or somewhat most of the time. and thats one of the worst feelings in the world. i'm tired of saying sorry, or trying my hardest to be the one to actually make one type of effort to solve the problem. i don't know, its alot more complicated then you think. theres alot more to explain... but oh well, thats for me to figure out.

well one of my goals now is to think positive, no matter what the situation might be. i just think i'm not taking it all in like i should. i realized how sad i was, or how much i over think about things and ugh, the list goes on. and things should never be like that, i think i'm pretty much happy with how things are going. i'm not stressing no more, like how i was the past weeks and that was definitely no good.