things today was just chill and blah. i wake up to the pouring rain, pouring down harder then i ever heard it ever. the wind spooked me too, it kept awake till i had to get ready for school.. but ended up passing out and skipped. the rain most def. killed my mood. i had super energy and was in a good mood, all that it was the rain. i headed out to the library with blaine wif his big ass new car, pretty ballin' tho. meet melanie there, did some reading and talk about our soc paper. we went to melanie's after our mini study session to blaine cooking us a bomb ass meal as always. got the car, went to check the mothers luggage in tj maxx and went to alexas. smoked a stog, watching the rain go crazy and seeing how much water was literally going on the streets. which i havent smoked in like two days, which is fucking good. the day went on waiting for this hookah session. head to glen clove and has this hookah session with vince, ben, alexis, alexa, melanie, john and levi. pretty chill, i love those guys...
so whats crackin' this weekend? i dont know at all. i guess you cant always have a line up of crackin weekends in a row. vince and them say club; but i think i might pass... im getting sort of tired, with a mini feeling of getting left out. i just seem they dont need tech. "us" or me in general to create plans, but whatever people need to do their own shit. i just miss simple nights when it was bajamdam. these random hookah sessions, king cup, getting litt, watch a random movie, drive to dennys, go on random trips, bonfires.. just simple things.. because i mean clubbing is most def. fun... but after a while, doing the same shit ... its kind of boring. im craving for excitement. im tired of feeling like we are drifting apart... and honestly we are.. but i dont want to hear that. we ... are just having space right? ugh. im just getting lost here... i just want my friends back.
people have weird stages in their life once in a while right? if you had a bad heartbreak, you relapse from it, remembering little to big details you had together. if you feel like friends are going away and things arent going away, your depressed and stressed. relapse, depression, breakdowns, hate, "just not in the mood". fuck.. well i think my depression stage is starting.
i feel like im losing all the hope i been regaining in the past year, month, weeks who knows, its just i dont know how to explain it. relationship wise, guys literally suck these days. i'm sick of past crushes still clouding up the way i feel. i really dont want to hear your stories about girls, exgirlfriends, do you really have to share when i'm around... even if im over you, i dont want to know. its like you do that shit on purpose.. literally.. shut the fuck up. with the guys im talking to know, im tired of games, if you wanna talk to me, talk to me. fucking make plans with me, call me, text me see how the fuck im doing.. because im not going down that path again, wasting my time trying to grab your attention.
someone please save me from this.. if i cant even run to my friends... who do i go to now?
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