can't sleep.

the rain sounds kind of soothing down to every last drop, it makes me kind relaxed but it starts to remind of other things of well. as I started to lay here, I keep moving around, can't seem to be comfortable for the fact my mind running down memory lane.

I hate nights like this, because I seem to do so fine in the day,then all of a suden I seem to just get so weak minute by minute. so something about me; I'm super emotional, its crazy.

I lay here thinking about how I use to lay here with kevin. I mean I think this whole "relasping" stage is honesty me missing certain things, because I mean I miss him, but I'm quite sure its not like that anymore.. I get nervous when I think I smell him, or when I remember sleeping a certain way, to always find him next to me.

I think I miss having that comfort. I just miss tiny things, where I have always someone to text or call, when I wanted hugs or kisses, ill be ready for the next one 100%. when I want to pass time I can draw or write them a note. like jesus, I really want that again, but which the options out there, its never the same.

I want butterfiles, like the ones you use to get back in middleschool or highschool. I want to get the feeling right when you know the person is near, 1 minute away, outside your door, you melt and loose your breathe for a second. and it all creates this big mushy smile cooky feeling inside.

lust, temptation don't mean shit to me no more, all I want, is that pure real thing.

I don't want to cry, don't want to get depressed, but man this is hard, if god gave me one day to go back. I would go back to one of those days when I was hopelessly in love because ill tell you... that was the best time ever in my seventeen years of existence. <3