its starting to make no sense at all.

So sweet I can hardly speak due to such trauma in my teeth
But your body language is telling me that you're worth the pain
So weak I can hardly keep, shaky legs holding up my feet
But your body language is telling me that I'm not to blame

everything, one by one, is starting to hurt my head.
my head is starting to fucking hurt, every single time i start trying to realize what the fuck is going on. my body is about to collapse from me trying to keep up with everything.
physically, emotionally; i'm literally about to die.

why can one thing ruin my life? i told myself no matter who it is, my bestfriend, my boyfriend, my parents, my friends, my family, whoever the fuck it might be... they should never have impact on my life in what so ever, to make me feel like the way i feel now.

shitty. depressed. useless. pathetic. lost. sad. in desperate need of help.
i'm so fucking confused of what i'm trying to do here.
i don't even know what the fuck i'm trying to vent out. its to fucking tangled.. shit.

i'm trying seriously my best to make my life work. everyones telling me to fuck it. and i still have hope your still there. i dont get the fact. how your so fucking mean to me. i never mean to complain or ask too much questions. what the fuck. your hurting me over and over. like i'm falling into the same fucking trap over and over again. and i'm still making you win.

LIKE how is this fucking possible for me? i keep fucking crying. i want to fucking smoke everything away. i want to drink everything away. im at the point, where i keep fucking thinking if i really want to be here anymore, do i still wanna wake up everyday the same shit over and over praying, "maybe today, things will get better." and remembering to put that smile on my face.

how do you tell someone how you feel when half the time, you realized you have no one to turn to. i think i'm officially afraid, to be alone. alone as in .. not having someone loving you, someone not being beside you, i feel so lost, its crazy.

maybe im just going insane. how do people do this shit? fall in love. or is it even love.. maybe im just sprung... and just scared.. he's the only one who can make me feel like this.

im sick of playing games.
and im tired of trying to fix things.

one question keeps popping in my head.

"what the hell, do i do?"

and one more..

" it hurt, huh?"
yeah it fucking hurt, it still hurts like a bitch. what the fuck do you want me to say
"SHIT, naw dude, its only just a year of my life i love and miss and so of course it didn't hurt because he doesn't mean shit!"
sike. thanks. honestly.

ps: all of you with your fucking boyfriend/girlfriend shit. please don't bring that shit up to me anymore. i jealous and restless of your comments. and i really don't need to hear it.