i dont know.

but my heart won't skip a beat.

LMFAO

can i say i'm definitely in a better... uh... EVERYTHING? then all of you? haha !

i def. loved this weekend. what can i say friday was good enough to brag about, CRACKIN. the bestest thing that happen in cordelia in too long. saturday was a good ass chill/kickit thingythang. sunday, was a good day of work, and relaxing because i was in a super kick ass mood like i am now :)

i'm starting to look at everything so differently now. i realized how mature i became, with relationship issues, giving advice, with basically everything that has happened this past couple months.

i just think its halirous how things are going, because im definitely in a better state of mind, having hella fun, love the friends and the new ones im making, making that cash money, taking steps one thot at a time, boys or not i'm all good.

i really dont know what to say, im so speechless. like risking all of this... for nothing. i woulda been there for you when things went bad, if you needed help i woulda been then in a snap.

like wow..

i dont know, i just know i'm better off without you in the long run. i might miss you here and there, but whatever. i'm over it. this time, i think its for sure. :)

just think about what your missing out on.
you made a mistake, and mann.. your fucked in the game.
cas i swear i woulda made your life perfect as you would imagine.

and safeway crush THOUGH?!<3

oh lord jesus help me. hahaha.

"buy a boat.." hahaha

lmfao

i didn't get to finish my last blog cas i was in the process of getting bitched at, and trying to get burned by my dad.

so officially melanie and matt are part of the legal group. ahaha im still a baby :( but im almost there! i had a good ass weekend so far, i mean i had my bumps in the road but whatevs, its part of everyones day. my party for melanies 18, was crackin we officially we said there was like literally like 100 people in my backyard at one part.
and yesterday i had a mini kickit for matts birfday, me, melanie, matt, alexis, justin, blaine, danny and ryan. we hookah, smoked, took a shot or two, hookah, smoked again, chilled. it was hella fun, cas most of us were hella high talking about fucking ghosts and shit. hahaha. then the scary part was when ryan fainted and passed out :( he scared the crap out of me, but im glad danny was there cas he def knew what to do. ah, i think all of us got that to rethink of things we want to do, it was weird cas he was the most sober out of all of us. but it lead down he had hella energy drinks that morning, and probably got him hella dehydrated. ugh, man it was scary.

i couldn't sleep all fucking night because of my crazy ass bug bites, with i thin kare mixed with fucking spider and mosquitos. it fucking itches like a BITCH, i cant focus cas it hurts and itches. and i got work at 12:30. oh maaaan. i just found itch cream, and it kinda is working.... well see..

so i did some looking around in my room and found something that made me happy, but then again made me be like... wow. i read my old valentines card kevin wrote me. and it was hella... like cute, but then again it made me get one big rush of remembering all the good times we had, and i swear we had alot. and it made me laugh, and lightweight teary eyed.

"you always know how to put a smile on my face, when i am feeling down your are always here for me and if thats not love then i dont know what it is." -kf. 021408

and just shit like that, makes me miss things, and makes me kind of want to give you a hug, and look at you without being bad, and just smile like i used to. at least i know i made some difference and made your life a little bit more happier at one point. theres things i want to get off my chest, and say things i wanted to say for so long, but im at some point where i believe i don't want to anymore, because i mean will it even make a difference?

so therefore, im happy. i mean works good, i love my friendsss, i love these random nights, and i love everything, and god thanks. i mean im getting a sense of reality and how things work, and im really happy how i held up.

i got new crushes and what not ;) haha and we will see how that goes....

ahah! and hes not a flake! yay :)

LASTNIGHT; CRACKIN.

can i say i threw a crackin ass party? hell motherfuckin' yeah.

lets say it began with like literally lets say 20-30people..
me, melanie, alexa, kt, jasmine, morgan, danny, ryan, brian, catilyn, tiffany, erik, alexis, david, sherich, cj, oliver, ian, andrew, justin, blaine, alfie, justinc, erik, gitano, skyler+3, joe+3, mikhail+3, vandor, john, gio katrina, nykki, ashleeg+12, henri, tony, miles, aj, joe, vince, robert, ariel, bubba, john, mia, mimi, kc, jordan, b+2, vishal, jordan, roland, jeremy, porter,