regret.

to be honest, i wish i can erase it all. the first time i ever decided to flirt with you. the first the time you came to my house. the first time i ever texted you. that first stupid phone call. the time when YOU came back. the first time you kissed me. the first time i came to hang with you. the day i developed feelings for you. the first time we ever shared a pizza. the first time you grabbed my phone to take a picture with me. the first time you came to pick me up. the first time you brought me somewhere. the time we sat there and talked about LIFE. the first time you made us public. the day you told me a giant secret. the days we texted, goodmorning and goodnight. the day i started to ignore my friends for you. the first time you brought me to a random spot in vallejo. those nights i snuck you in. the first time you told me you were jealous. those nights of being high, going through that stupid drive thru window. the days we would just get drunk and high. the days that you told me i meant something to you. the weeks that we were almost with each other everyday. the weeks i thought i head over heels. the month i thought i had it all. the month that i started to feel less wanted. that day YOU/we decided "WE" needed space. the day you first lied to me. the days that felt useless. the days, the weeks, the months that seemed like you forgotten me.

and esp. the night i realized,
"why the fuck do i even give a damn about you anymore?"

you were just a complete was of time, and more than ever, you proved it to me all at once. i'm such an idiot, and if i can ask one thing of you, just pretend all those things never happened, because it seems like i was just better off, then wondering what if, and decide to put my number in your phone.

i'm tired of this week, and i want it to be over. fucking hurry up and get with it.

Spook Fest? Halloween/Massive. November 7th. Paid Vacation. Birthday. Paramore.

is all i want to come here now.

everything seems so new to me, even with the fact i know how long its been, i will always miss that place, that thing, those people, and always forever, you.

this time, its been a while.

god damn, its eben a while since i written/typed in here. i been super laggin' for the fact i had like the most unsuccessful 2 weeks of my life. my eyes were down, for irritation of lame contacts, had to miss work like 3 times, which is def. going to hurt my paycheck the next 2 weeks. i been so upset with being home, i got stuck with my dumbass dad, my mini vacation wasn't crackin. so i'm finally glad i got my eyes back, so now its super party plannin' time.

my birthday is coming up in exactly 21 days, i've been juiced for like almost hella months, and now its like 2 weeks away, FUCKIN' CRACKIN. man, all i've got to say, if you ain't my friend, your going to be missing out, and that's it.

birthday wish list:

- an awesome cool desert of some kind
- MORE POLAROID FLIM
- gift card for walmart (to buy my photos thats been there forever)
- a sock monkey
- bong
- fisheye camera
- dope shoes
- cool tights
- cool animal pipe
- new kingdom hearts game for DS
- rockband2
- new eskimo hats to add to my collection
- curling iron
- ipod
- hookah
- $$$$$
- more makeup
- random accessories
- that candy maker thing
- take me to disneyland
- 8th

even though i dont expect to get anything this year, i just wanted to be cool and put that up. ahaha

its been good.

and i'm going to keep it that way.

this weekend was dope. berkeley all day with morgan, blaine and juiceteen. i didn't get to see hayley tho, since she lost her voice... but the show is postponed till the day after my BIRTHDAY and saturday all day at love evolution tho... CRACKIN.
heres some photos...